Tara Parker-Pope over at the Grey Lady takes on the grim, often hilarious ritual of family Thanksgiving. Sure, there are those who love the assembling of elders, middlers, and the young — all of whom share blood. But for others, the gathering of the tribe means a litany of abuse, criticism, eye-rolling and more.
Why not make it into a game? Pope quotes two ladies who do just that, assembling Bingo cards with key phrases — “That’s an interesting outfit” or “Your children won’t sit still.” The first to fill her card rushes to the bathroom to call. Rejoice, your family is more maniacal!
I love the idea, but given my own demographic and the background likely shared by many of my readers and colleagues, I thought I’d assemble a list more appropriate to our unique brand of failures, inadequacies, and annoyances.
So add these to your card, brace yourself for drunk ol’ Uncle Earl, and count the minutes until you’re back in black:
- When’s your book gonna be finished?
- Does anything you do actually pay you money?
Where you live:
- How can anyone live in New York!
- Your apartment is how many square feet? (Laughter.)
What you consume:
- You call that music?
- The Wire is too violent, like Fargo, which your father and I hated.
- Interesting haircut — did your (wife/girlfriend/boyfriend) give you that?
- I remember when your father tried to grow a mustache.
Feel free to help me out. (If it seems weird I’d write this kind of post, perhaps its because I’ll be having turkey in Riyadh. Nostalgia begets humor.)